And there…in its utter simplicity…was the beauty of my mother’s wisdom. I, myself, created something to do, because no one and nothing else provided it for me.
Reading books, working puzzles, making doll clothes, coloring and painting, playing pretend games, and the always popular pillow-and-blanket fort were regular choices and took up hours and hours of time with my sister, or a neighbor, or some stuffed bears and rabbits from my bedroom. But just as often, my entertainment would be found lying on my bed looking up at the ceiling fan, sitting in the backyard listening to the traffic, or watching my dog try to scratch herself without her feet slipping on the kitchen floor. I still remember the day that I discovered that one strip of the brightly colored, geometric wallpaper on my bedroom walls (a la 1974) had been hung upside down…and you had to look really hard to tell! Across my childhood I had the opportunity to sample a variety of clubs and teams and classes after school and in the summers, but they were always balanced with an ample amount of time to entertain myself or to just sit and think and relax and get bored. There are clear educational and social benefits to providing children with rich experiences and opportunities. Travel, museums, camp, play dates, games, toys, classes, and teams all offer learning, fun, and skill development that will contribute to a child’s long term development, socially, cognitively, or physically. Yet, there are also clear advantages to allowing children time to do nothing: to explore the world of their own thoughts and ideas; to experience life slowly and reflectively; to delve into their imagination and create worlds of their own. These are the times in which children imagine themselves… …encountering a huge challenge and having the ingenuity to overcome it; …discovering an unknown treasure and having the courage to excavate it; …inventing a magical machine and having the creativity to explore the universe in it; …meeting a space alien and having the compassion to bring it home for dinner. By exploring these self-concepts in the safety and security of their own mind, children develop the sense of self and personal awareness that grows into self-confidence, insight, and emotional intelligence that strengthens them throughout life. Self-reliance may be the greatest benefit of these bouts of boredom, as children discover that life is just as interesting as they choose to make it. Social and cultural variations in child rearing come with every generation. Children today have opportunities and benefits that children of my generation did not, and the reverse is also true. However, a tendency to move more quickly through childhood into an earlier adolescence or young adulthood has been growing in American culture for many decades. Child Development expert and author, David Elkind wrote his national bestseller, The Hurried Child, in 1981. In it, he warns parents about rushing children with busy schedules and overly structured activities even 37 years ago. Family structures, work schedules, and educational expectations have demanded some changes. But our sincere appreciation of the value of childhood also demands that we treat this short period of life with the respect that it deserves. So what does this mean for today’s parent? The answers are never simple, but I believe the best advice is always to look for balance. For every weekend with a fun event or activity, dedicate a weekend soon after to doing nothing at all. Look at your child’s weekly routine. Are there approximately as many days with after-school activities as there are days of after-school relaxation? And of course, listen to your child…and that is harder than it sounds. I don’t mean listen to every request of, “May I…”, or “Can we…” or “Pllleeeaassse!!!” but really listen to the way your child responds to life. When asked to put away the Legos and climb into the car for another outing, does your child ask for more time? “Wait…not yet…can we stay home…I’m not finished…do we have to go…I don’t want to.” Sometimes these statements are indicators that what your child is really asking for is a little less to do, more time for nothing at all, and the opportunity to just get bored.
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AuthorDr. Kristin L. Droege is the Executive Director of CWCKC. Archives
July 2018
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